I'm not sure where it came from. I am not one to frolic through the woods hunting for mushrooms and wild game such as the infamous Bear Grylls. I do not celebrate nature in the way that ferries and nymphs do, seen in fantastical literature. This is just not me. I am the type who plays with my child, reads, and publishes stupid posts online. So, how this has happened, I do not know. And I always believed in the depths of my soul that I embodied some sort of super-human powers due to my twenty-five year immunity to the stuff. Twenty-five years, people. And here I am today, professing the evils of this three-leaved jezebel. I remember elementary school. All my friends had come into contact with the plant at some point in their youths. Apparently, I was just lucky. Because today, with much grief, I must announce that I am infected.
I remember my first scratch. Sounds crazy, but it's true. One night last week sometime. I took my right hand to my left arm and scratched. I didn't think anything of it. Just an itch. But something crazy happened. I noticed this hickey-esque bruising just beneath my skin's surface. Initially, I just thought I had scratched a bit too hard.
No.
In fact, this blistering, acid faced protuberance appeared. That's when I knew. I have contracted poison ivy. And I'm trapped. There's this insanity in my skin, I just don't want to stop itching. However, being a novice at this infection, I've learned that if you scratch "too much" or "too hard", one just bleeds everywhere. And now, what started at the inside of my left arm, has since traveled to both ankles and I'm beginning to feel it where? Yes, you guessed it. My face. Holy hell, Batman!
So, before I dip myself in acid to rid myself of the itch, I begin a quest. A quest on destroying this three-leaved evil. Oh, and believe me, I've found some very interesting theories on the destruction of these blisters. Some suggest using a hair dryer and "blow" the itch away. Others say take tons of Vitamin C, or use rubbing alcohol. My theory? Moonshine until I pass out and can't remember that I ever itched at all.
I've never had poisen Ivey. Never say never though. I used to say I had never broken anything before. Boy I wish I would have knocked on wood after that comment. Good luck with the poisen ivey. Your right, moonshine or pain killers would probably be the easiest way out.
ReplyDelete<3 Meg
Amy, you are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience as a southerner, the best thing that works is this stuff that I have only seen in a pharmacy in the country side of the mountains (better known as hill-billy land)called Poison Ivy Pills. They look like white pellets and my dad swears by them! Good luck finding them though.
LOVE YA
--Heather